‘I’m Sir Roger and I’m Fucked’

Oct 5, 2008 | Arts, Australian Values, Border Security, Capital Punishment, Citizenship, Corruption, Cultural Values, Democracy, Economic Values, Fame, Freedom of Speech, Global Warming, Humour, Immigration, Indigenous, Legal, Lifestyle & Life, Media Values, OzPol Values, PedoPriests, Racism, Religious Values, Science Values, Terrorism, Uncategorized, USPol, Values, War

‘I’m Sir Roger and I’m Fucked’

 

This is not for you

 

Really. We just want to acknowledge ourselves privately but publicly (it makes sense to us, anyway). It’s not meant to be onanistically self-congratulatory, except in the sense that we have achieved some things and we want to record them.
So this is a stocktake for posterity, if you like, that marks a moment, a milestone.

Yes, ValuesAustralia is two years old. This is our 712th post. Singlehanded, eh, Clubtroppo, Larvatus Prodeo, RoadtoSurfdom etc. etc.? That’s almost one a day. (There used to be a billboard for One A Day vitamin pills at the corner of Victoria Rd and Rowntree Street at Blackwattle Bay in Sydney. There was a picture of a man and a woman. The woman was saying, “I’m Jenny and I give John One A Day.” Soon a graffiti artist had added, “I’m John and I’m fucked!”)

And, yes, we’re just about fucked, ourselves. We’ve got a rotator cuff from all the typing and mouse clicking, especially during October and November last year.

(We went to the radiologist. “What seems to be the problem?” “I’ve got a sore shoulder.” “Hmm…we’ll do an ultrasound and an x-ray…… Hmm…. Hmmmmmm, our expert analysis of the ultrasound and x-ray indicates you have a sore shoulder. You’ll have to stop using it for a while.” “Thanks….What?)

We’ve never paid for any advertising. We’ve never submitted ValuesAustralia to any search engine. Nevertheless, we got ourselves listed on Google within 24 hours of launching the site. We tried to register the site with dmoz.org (The Open Source Directory) – as you do – but it wasn’t taking orders, and by the time it came back on line months later, ValuesAustralia was already magically listed!

We’ve been #1 for “Australian Values” on Google, Yahoo, Live and Ask most of the time for more than a year and a half. We’re #12 for “values” on Google worldwide, out of 314,000,000 results and on google.com.au we’re #2 for “values” out of 307,000,000. We’re #1 on google worldwide and Australia for “Australian political values” out of about 400,000 results.

Our Google Page Rank is 4 (used to be 5 but they changed the algorithm) which is respectable but we’d prefer a 5 or a 6.

We’ve had over 300,000 aggregate visitors and more than 75,000 spam messages (thank you, Akismet).

Earlier this year we were consistently getting more than 1000 visitors a day – over 30,000 a month, which is okay, although nothing like the big guys.

We’ve made friends all over the world and especially in Australia. We are in the top 1% of websites worldwide. We are popular in Saudi Arabia – amongst the top 42,000 favourite sites for Saudis. (That worries us just a bit…Say hullo to Al for us…) We appreciate our readers and those who choose to comment from time to time. We thought a scarcity of comments was a Bad Thing, a Failure, but we noticed that one of the most popular, most entertaining bloggers we know of, Whatever It Is, I’m Against It, doesn’t get heaps, either – a few, but not tens like Possum or hundreds and thousands like William the PollBludger.

In May 2007 ValuesAustralia was picked up by the “Stay In Touch” column at the Sydney Morning Herald, accusing us of “rhetoric”.

One of Sir Roger’s posts was selected by ClubTroppo and On Line Opinion in January 2008 as one of the top 40 posts in Australia for 2007. We’re very proud of that.

But it’s a post we made early in 2007 that we are still most proud of. Ken Parish at ClubTroppo called it

“quite possibly the best piece of passionate, angry polemic I’ve ever read, certainly on a blog. ‘Roger Migently’ is roused to extraordinary heights of eloquence… ”

Yes, Troppo has been good to us and we mourn the passing of Missing Link and Ken’s prolonged work-induced(?) absence. We were also congratulated by Richard Neville (HomePageDaily) and Steven Poole whose Unspeak blog is our benchmark for economy, clarity, style and wit.

We have enjoyed the journey so far and we have no intention at this stage of stopping, although we have slowed down (work, you know).

Bobbo the Clown

Our favourite person in the world, of course, is the clown, Bob Correll (above), Deputy Secretary of DIC, OPM, because he wrote us the letter which inspired our outburst. As we discovered he was (and appears still to be) the person who had taken over departmental responsibility for “Borders, Compliance, Detention and Technology”, or in other words, perhaps, for keeping innocent kiddies locked up in the desert, deporting Australian citizens, supporting the failed state of Nauru, making the lives of genuine refugees a misery, doing it to please the Minister, and all at the touch of a computer key. Previously he had been the driving force behind developing and implementing Job Network, or “how to design exquisite, personalised punishment for people who are already struggling with the stress of being unemployed”. Godluvvya, Bob! How’s the Volvo? How’s the kids? How do you sleep at night?

One of the most satisfying things is how we always beat the Immigration Department on Google.

Our second favourite person is Mick Keelty, just for being such a hopeless buffoon and continually making appalling stuff-ups for us to make fun of. G’bye, Mick.

Anyway, just for the record.

(And a special “hi!” to Lang!)

Oh, no, you bloody don’t!

Jun 11, 2008 | Australian Values, Democracy, Media Values, Religious Values, Terrorism, USPol, Values, War

Oh, no, you bloody don’t!

I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood

“ President Bush has admitted to The Times that his gun-slinging rhetoric made the world believe that he was a “guy really anxious for war” in Iraq.
In an exclusive interview, he expressed regret at the bitter divisions over the war and said that he was troubled about how his country had been misunderstood. “I think that in retrospect I could have used a different tone, a different rhetoric.”

As we picked our chin off the floor we thought, “What an utterly lame and sleazy attempt this really is to rewrite history in the name of clawing back some sort of presidential legacy from the catastrophic horrors he has inflicted on the world and even on his own people through his proud ignorance and astonishing immaturity.”

Actually, we didn’t think that. We don’t talk to ourself like that. I mean, you don’t, do you. It was more like “What the fucking fuck?!” But it’s what we meant.

As SFGate‘s Edward M. Gomez, a former U.S. diplomat and staff reporter at TIME, put it, “Now he tells us.”

“ Phrases such as “bring them on” or “dead or alive”, he said, “indicated to people that I was, you know, not a man of peace”.
He said that he found it very painful “to put youngsters in harm’s way”.
He added: “I try to meet with as many of the families as I can. And I have an obligation to comfort and console as best as I possibly can. I also have an obligation to make sure that those lives were not lost in vain.”

Well, Mr Bush, (pardon us) FUCK YOU!

It wasn’t your rhetoric that showed you were a “guy really anxious for war”.

It was how you were, ah, really anxious for war.

It was how you rushed in.

It was how you deliberately ignored, manufactured and distorted intelligence.

It was how you had quite a few people killed. Over a million on the high but credible side and, certainly, considerably over 100,000 on the very most conservative realistic estimates. All innocent. Largely mothers and children.

People don’t think you are not a man of peace because of something you said, Mr Bush. People know you are not a man of peace because you started a war and killed a lot of people.

People know you are not a man of peace because you started a war on your very own, on the flimsiest and most transparent of excuses and against international laws and conventions, against a country that had not attacked yours and could not. As you and all those around you knew.

You will not get away with this slimy, slippery, dishonest, hollow, inauthentic, typically infantile attempt to avoid responsibility for the global horrors you have created with your own hands; horrors which include the devastated lives of the mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and cousins and aunts and uncles of the more than 4,000 soldiers whose lives were wiped out because you were anxious for war; horrors that include the destroyed futures and minds of the tens or hundreds of thousands of Iraq veterans who are physical and mental casualties of your headlong and bloodthirsty rush into a synthetic conflict, and that include the families of the hundreds of thousands of Iraqis who have died, and the more than two million Iraqis who have been forced to flee Iraq or who are internally displaced.

And the release and explosion of sectarian violence in Iraq which was caused by your stupidity and your lust for war.

So please don’t ask for forgiveness.

Don’t claim to have been misunderstood.

The rest of the world will not let you get away with it. Surely your own countrymen will not, either.

You claim to be troubled about how your country has been misunderstood.

Mr Bush, your country is not misunderstood. Not really. The world knows that many Americans are confused about how all this happened, how the country attracts so much hatred.

But we can tell them that it’s not them, it’s you.

The world knows that your country includes warmongers like yourself, anti-democratic ideologues whom you support, ignorant stupid people like yourself, religious nuts who think god talks to them and tells them what they ought to do – and some even worse than yourself.

And yet the world also knows that your country still nurtures a people who are extraordinarily generous.

The world knows that, despite your efforts to silence and sideline them, your country still is home to more than its fair share of the most humane souls, the greatest, wisest minds, the most creative thinkers and talented doers, and some of the most energetic, enterprising, adventurous, life-loving and courageous people on the planet.

You are not one of them.

Expertology

May 5, 2008 | Australian Values, Democracy, Humour, Media Values, OzPol Values, Religious Values, USPol, Values, War

Expertology

 

How the Experts Won the Iraq War in Weeks Rather Than Years

 

The newest Bill Moyers Journal episode includes an interview with Victor Navasky and Christopher Cerf, whose new book MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! OR HOW WE WON THE WAR IN IRAQ looks back at what the experts told us would happen in Iraq. It’s quite funny except it’s all true.
You can watch it here:

 

What the experts said:

DONALD RUMSFELD:
“It could last, you know, six days, six weeks. I doubt six months.”
CHENEY:
”I think it’ll go relatively quickly…weeks rather than months.”
PAUL WOLFOWITZ:
“We can say with reasonable confidence that the notion of hundreds of thousands of American troops is way off the mark…We are dealing with a country that can really finance its own reconstruction and relatively soon.

WILLIAM KRISTOL: “The first two battles of this new era are now over. The battles of Afghanistan and Iraq have been won decisively and honorably.”

RICHARD PERLE:  The war, “…ended quickly with few civilian casualties and with little damage to Iraq’s cities, towns or infrastructure…it ended… without the quagmire [the war’s critics] predicted…relax and enjoy it.”
MONA CHARON: “the man who slept through many classes at Yale and partied the nights away stands revealed as a profound and great leader who will reshape the world for the better. The United States is lucky once again.”
CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER: “The only people who think this wasn’t a victory are Upper West Side liberals and a few people here in Washington.”
WILLIAM KRISTOL:”I think there’s been a certain amount of frankly.. pop sociology in America…that…the Shia can’t get along with the Sunni and the Shia in Iraq just want to establish some kind of Islamic fundamentalist regime. There’s almost no evidence of that at all. Iraq’s always been very secular.”

Here’s an excerpt from the interview with Navasky and Cerf:

VICTOR NAVASKY: Well, at every stage, there was someone who proclaimed that it was over. And– when this book came out, we were told isn’t it a shame that it’s coming out now, because the country has reached a turning point with the surge. And based on our research at the Institute of Expertology … we were sympathetic to the point of view that we’ve reached a turning point. Because, as we show in the book, in 2003, we were told by the President of the United States that we’ve reached a turning point. And then, in 2004, we were told we had reached a turning point.
And then, in 2005, we were told by Donald Rumsfeld we have reached a turning point. And then– So every year, three or four times, we seem to have reached a turning point. So that’s one of the ways that we have triumphed.

 

BILL MOYERS: So how do you decide who is an expert? What makes an expert?

 

CHRISTOPHER CERF: Well, I think if you are in the government – this is one of the problems we have in the country – you are, by definition, an expert. In fact, you’re unpatriotic if you disagree with someone in the government. And your expertise, if you had any before, becomes suspect.

 

BILL MOYERS: But these experts also included scholars, pundits, columnists.

 

VICTOR NAVASKY: People are believed to be experts who proclaim their expertise. Some of them do it directly. Others do it by using jargon, by parading the number of articles they’ve published, by their titles, and by their uniforms. And then, people who have positions of status and power, whether in the press, who are supposed to be adversaries of the establishment. Or, you know, the heads of departments – great departments of government – are assumed to know what they’re talking about. So anyone who is presumed to know what he is talking about, we, at the Institute of Expertology are ready to say, as an expert, but you have to trust us – they don’t.

But who are their favourite “experts”?

VICTOR NAVASKY: I have a favorite expert and a friend. And Chris, I’m sure, has his. But my favorite quote – he’s my favorite expert. But it’s a quote by Paul Wolfowitz, who, you know, came from the academic community, and then had this very important career in the Defense Department, et cetera.
And he says, at one point, “I think foreigners should stop interfering in the internal affairs of Iraq.”

The Devil Rides Again

Mar 21, 2008 | Australian Values, Democracy, Media Values, USPol, Values, War

The Devil Rides Again

 

Yes, Dick (“Dick”) Cheney has thrown off the coffin-lid; with a sulphurous emanation he has emerged from the flames of his hell; and he has spoken to a human – Martha Raddatz of American ABC News – about the War in Iraq and of his deathly dominion over all men (and women).

 

RADDATZ: Two-thirds of Americans say it’s not worth fighting, and they’re looking at the value gain versus the cost in American lives, certainly, and Iraqi lives.

THE VICE PRESIDENT: [with a smirk] So?

RADDATZ: So — you don’t care what the American people think?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: No, I think you cannot be blown off course by the fluctuations in the public opinion polls.

So let’s take a look at Lord Vader’s “fluctuations”. Surely, from what he said, opinions fluctuate pretty evenly between “for” and “against”.

Is the Iraq War worth the cost?

Um … gosh … It’s pretty obvious that however you look at it, the fluctuations are insignificant compared to the clearly increasingly negative opinion of Americans. In fact there has not been stable majority support for the war since about 2004/5.

But hey, let’s not get sidetracked by the facts. While we’re at it, why not claim, again, that Saddam ordered the 9/11 attacks and that he had WMDs, and that he had links to Al Qaeda.

Knowing it was a lie never stopped Dick (Dick) before.

Elsewhere:

In interviews to celebrate the fifth anniversary of peace and democracy in Iraq Bush answered “please may I suck your cock” questions from government employees from the Pentagon Channel, Voice of America and US-government-funded Radio Farda.

Bush expressed his view that it is very hard to trust governments if

“ they haven’t told the full truth…Once a nation hasn’t told the truth, it requires a lot of work to convince people that they’ll be telling the truth in the future.”

In your case, sir, to try would be a waste of time.

Froomkin reports,

“ Asked about his meeting with family members of those killed in battle, Bush responded: “I try to get them to talk about their loved one. I want to learn about each individual person who sacrificed, what they were like, what their interests were, and a lot of times the families love sharing their stories with the Commander-in-Chief.

Exactly! Once they have spoken to a man of god like myself, all the anguish and grief of losing a son, daughter, husband, wife, father or mother, disappear and are replaced by sunshine and butterflies and laughter.

We were just wondering…why did you not interest yourself in the people you have been sending to their deaths in the first place, you know, like, “what they were like, what their interests were”?

And what is this:

“the individual person who sacrificed”.

Sacrificed?

Got shot in the head.

Blown up.

Torn apart.

Murdered.

They didn’t sacrifice. They were sacrificed. By you. You sacrificed them to your ego. They didn’t willingly throw themselves in front of a bullet, or lay their bodies down over a roadside IED. They got killed. By your madness.

Yes, we know it sounds better. It sounds holy and good. Even saintly. And the holy glow of their “sacrifice” makes you look beatific for giving them the opportunity.

Fuck you, George W. Bush 

In a videoconference with U.S. personnel in Afghanistan last week, Bush said:

“I must say, I’m a little envious. If I were slightly younger and not employed here, I think it would be a fantastic experience to be on the front lines of helping this young democracy succeed.

It must be exciting for you . . . in some ways romantic, in some ways, you know, confronting danger. You’re really making history, and thanks.”

Bush, of course, has always been keen to enjoy the romance of frontline warfare and he has always regretted being unable to share the fantastic, romantic excitement of Vietnam .

That was because of his need to be absent from the Texas and Alabama Air National Guards for extended periods – including those periods when he was required to pass an annual physical examination. At other times he was sadly required to make no effort to participate as a guardsman, and annoyingly at yet other times when he needed to show civilians in Alabama that he was a “Texas soufflé: all puffed up and full of hot air”.

We are sure that he is keen, though, to complete the 6 year military service commitment that he made in 1968 but never completed – and which in an amazing coincidence exactly covered the period of the Vietnam War – as soon as he is no longer “employed here”, say in January 2009.

Then he’ll be available to suit up and enjoy the romance of Afghanistan or Iraq.

And perhaps he will “sacrifice” there.

We Are Humbled…

Jan 22, 2008 | Australian Values, Capital Punishment, Cultural Values, Media Values, USPol, Values

We Are Humbled…

…and yet proud…

 to have some of our work considered worthy of inclusion amongst the writings of the doyens of the ozblogosphere in the Top 40 collection at OnlineOpinion.

The piece the judges have chosen is “The Nation That Hangs Together”.

We have been surprised by some of the comments by the usual suspects – the skinheads and the National Front seem to be alive and well and trolling around the intertubes encouraging the killing of people who are not themselves for a range of behaviours of which they happen personally to disapprove.

We would like to point out, however, that despite certain claims by these friends we are neither a Catholic pushing an anti-Protestant agenda, nor a Protestant pushing an anti-Catholic agenda.

We would also like to point out that the Enlightenment is now more than two hundred years old, if the news hasn’t yet filtered through to the particular rocks under which these people live.

Ramen.

Three Stooges

Oct 8, 2007 | Australian Values, Border Security, Corruption, Democracy, Immigration, Lifestyle & Life, Media Values, OzPol Values, Racism, Terrorism, USPol, Values

Three Stooges

Howard’s 3 Stooges

 

Predictably enough, the rightwing’s stooges are being wheeled out to divert the taint of almost inevitable defeat away from John Howard.

Downer

“Larry” Downer is a self-deluding fop and a dandy. He’s a joke. But as long as he is in the cabinet he’s a dangerous joke.

He tells Australia that he has sent “a firm message” to the Burmese military thugs to tell them to stop being naughty. I bet the certifiably deranged General Than Shwe is quaking in his jackboots and is preparing to call elections and hand over power to Aung San Suu Kyi on the basis of Larry Downer’s polite finger wagging. I bet he really cares what Downer thinks.

Meanwhile as Minister for Foreign Affairs Downer has been in charge of one of the most disgraceful – and furtive – exercises in complicity with corruption, by which Australia supports – with AFP personnel – a brutal police state which ruthlessly subjugates its people – all with the help of the joke who is the Commissioner of the Australian Federal Police.

 

Keelty

Yes, the man who has been running the AFP assistance to the Myanmar police thugs is our favourite Stooge, “my PM right or wrong, and how else can I subvert democracy for you today, John”, “Moe” Keelty.

Keelty, who has declared war on “teh climate” for christ’s sake, and presumably won’t be satisfied until the climate is totally destroyed. Keelty, who is in bed with Indonesia in the most obscene way and who, as AFP Commissioner, complaisantly condemned stupid Australian kids to possible/probable death by firing squad surely only to please the Indonesians instead of doing the right thing and arresting them back in Australia where they would face a real justice system with some integrity. Let’s not mince words about Indonesia. While most of its ordinary people, at least the ones we have met, are in the range from friendly to wonderful, it seems to us, looking at reasonably recent history, that for the most part Moe Keelty’s Indonesian friends – its politicians, military, police and judiciary – are corrupt, ignorant, stupid, racist, bigoted and brutal. But, you know, we could be wrong.

 

Andrews

And then there’s the other Stooge, “Curly” Andrews.

Now, people ought to stop taking his latest outburst about Sudanese refugees seriously.

It was not a considered or serious position. It was not about real policy. Don’t look for justification or evidence to support his assertions. It wasn’t intended for you. It was a dog-whistle intended only for the loony right, Pauline’s mob. You can see it was intended for her lot because:

” Speaking at a Gold Coast Media Club function today, Ms Hanson said she welcomed Mr Andrews’ move, adding, “It’s been recorded in Victoria that there is a 25 per cent increase in HIV.

“There is TB, and a case of leprosy which has been recorded in South Australia.”

Ms Hanson said the federal government had a responsibility to ensure the safety of Australians.

“You can’t bring people into the country who are incompatible with our way of life and culture,” she said.

“They get around in gangs and there is escalating crime that is happening.”

Score one to Kevin Andrews and John Howard. After all, they need to bolster all the support they can get, even if it is the crazies, the filth.

Strangely enough, these claims have been made before by other racists, too.

Jingoistic Tamworth Mayor, James Treloar, tried to keep Sudanese refugees out of Tamworth earlier this year, claiming that:

” They have been before the courts on numerous charges. Of the 12 Sudanese people who live in Tamworth, eight have been before the courts for everything from dangerous driving to rape.

In an earlier post, we noted

” an uncanny similarity between [Treloar’s] claim and a 2004 British editorial claiming that,

the papers have revelled this month in reporting on court cases against asylum seekers for everything from dangerous driving to rape.

Tamworth police, however, have denied any local Sudanese people have been charged over a matter of a sexual nature.

According to Acting Police Commander, Greig Stier

“They are a very small representation, in the two years of research that I can give you, in relation to being involved with police. And the times they are involved with police are minor traffic matters, are the majority of those offences.”

[Mayor Treloar] said that

“They come from countries where there are outbreaks of TB and polio. How can we trust the department to screen those things?”

Observers noted an uncanny similarity between [Treloar’s] health scare and a claim by … Pauline Hanson, that federal parliamentary secretary for immigration, Andrew Robb, had admitted on television that the Government was letting in many ‘black South Africans’ with health issues.

[He] indicated there was around about 37 per cent of black South Africans that were coming in with ongoing health issues … “There’s increasing numbers of TB (tuberculosis) and they have picked up … it could be almost one third that actually carries TB.”

Strangely enough, people like Pat Buchanan and Newt Gingrich claim that

” Illegal aliens have tuberculosis and leprosy.”
“Many of them are child molesters, they’re drunk drivers and rapists and robbers.”

Gosh! It’s almost as if there’s international collusion between all these racists!

Well, we know a number of Sudanese people. In our experience we have found those we have met to be universally charming, full of life and laughter, and keen to participate and make a life in Australia. Which is extraordinary considering the circumstances which brought them here. (Quite a contrast to the stooges, Hanson and the right generally, whom we find almost universally ignorant, bigoted, nasty, hateful, judgmental and life denying.)

Only a few more sleeps and perhaps we can wake up from this nightmare.