Shocking News Just “Friendly Encouragement” – PM

Ordinary Australians are terrified by a new test the Australian Government is planning to introduce.

The National Continuing Citizenship Assessment will strip even Australian-born Australians of their Citizenship if they fail to demonstrate a reasonably comprehensive understanding of Australian political and cultural history.

It includes such questions as:

47.  What were Ned Kelly’s famous last words?

48.  Who wrote a book with those words as its title?

50.  What was the Petrov Affair?

65. What was the World Heritage Properties Conservation Act? What happened to it?

85.  What was Kylie’s first movie role?

100.  What were:  a) The Statute of Westminster?   b) The Australia Act?

Many of those who have heard of the new Citizenship Test are expressing some concerns. They say that to know some of these answers they would have had to listen at school and that would be un-Australian, so we want to reassure all loyal and fair dinkum Australians that they have nothing to fear.

It is true that the proposed legislation means that current Australian citizens may lose their citizenship if they fail to pass random citizenship tests.

Citizens born in Australia who fail the test could have their status reduced to Permanent Resident. Those not born in Australia would have their status reduced to Resident Alien and, if they failed a second test, would be exported to their country of origin; or, if their country of origin no longer exists (by virtue, for example, of its having been bombed back into the stone age) then to a country less freedom-loving and tolerant of cultural differences than Australia.

The reason for the test is that already several people who are expected to know important Australian history, values, legal and constitutional facts have shown shortcomings in these areas. Indeed, most state and federal politicians are frighteningly ignorant and under a cloud for not knowing, for example, what Australia Day actually celebrates. 

Anonymous Source 

“You see,” claimed anonymous source Philippe leCrud (above):

“it’s clearly unfair of us to demand that New Australians do all this study and pass a test on all these facts when people who are Citizens merely because they had the good fortune to be born here mostly know bugger-all about Australian history, values and especially the Constitution (and what’s more couldn’t give a flying fuck*) get to enjoy all the privileges of being an Australian. It’s clearly unfair and the only alternatives are to make the test easier – but that wouldn’t keep out the terrorists – or to test everyone. So that’s the way we’ve gone.”

In any case, the Government wants to reassure anyone who is anxious that they should understand that the purpose of the test is simply to provide some friendly encouragement to everyone to achieve the required level of knowledge.

And anyone who is a good Australian Citizen already has nothing to fear.

We have obtained an early draft of the Test to get a sense of the areas of knowledge and the depth of understanding that is expected of all Australians. There are 100 questions.

The questions are not really too hard. Here is a sample:

What sort of creatures populate the island off Perth, WA?

What is the name of the island?

What is the constitutional status of the Northern Territory?

Who was the first female Justice of the High Court Australia?

When did Papua New Guinea become independent from Australia?

Who was its first Prime Minister?

Who called Australia ‘The Lucky Country’?

What did he mean? (no, that’s not correct)

Whom did Elton John marry in Australia?

On what date?

What was she doing in Australia?

Which Australian singer was present at the wedding?

Whom did Graham Kennedy marry in Australia? 
Why on earth?

What American TV comedy show did she star in?

How many Twelve Apostles are there?

 

* There is no indication of concern that “not giving a flying fuck” breaches any “core” Aussie values but rather that not giving a fuck may automatically entitle anyone to Australian Citizenship.

We have a sneaking suspicion that the Continuing Citizenship Assessment is a trap and that the only way to pass the test is to fail it.

Anyone who cares enough to study and do well is obviously un-Australian and a terrorist.