Blameshifting 101

Blameshifting 101

You’ve got to hand it to our Prime Monitor.

He is the absolute guru of blameshifting and that’s something to be proud of.

You know, he has a position to maintain, an aura to protect, an air of infallibility to project. We can’t have him looking weak and fallible. 

He has masterfully avoided saying “Sorry” for Australian authorities stealing generations of Aboriginal children from their families. They had only themselves to blame, for being black.

He has cleverly avoided any responsibility for the AWB Wheat for Weapons scandal and ensured that the blame falls on a few unfortunate individuals and certainly not on him or his ministers or their sirhumphreys.

He did it – it was a joy to watch – he did it by saying that in the terms of reference of the inquiry (which he set up) the Commissioner couldn’t make any findings about him, the government, or government departments.

Brilliant!

And now as the dark days in Iraq seem to slide into an apocalypse, a hell on exploding wheels – which we all thought at the time he had abetted and co-invented with George and Tony – with almost surreal prestidigitation he has ensured that he cannot be held responsible for the (no longer “impending”) disaster:

Howard ‘horrified’ by Iraq car bomb killings: Prime Minister John Howard says he is disturbed by the latest mass killings in Iraq.…

“It’s certainly going through ‘a very bad phase’, I acknowledge that,” Mr Howard said, “and nobody is other than horrified at the continued loss of life. The question arises, what to do? I do think the path ahead lies in a greater assumption of responsibility by the Iraqi military forces themselves.”

Not only is it not total carnage, a completely fucked over disaster but just a “phase” it’s going through (and as you know, phases are predictable and you always recover from them).

And there is light at the end of the tunnel. We are not being sucked into the quicksand of a civil war, stuck in a quagmire of blood, guts and a destroyed culture. No! There is a “path”! And for sure it is pretty as a picture with grass and daisies on either side, a warm sun shining, fluffy little white clouds in the sky and a cooling zephyr wafting!

My god, Howard is the wonderful Wizard of the south if ever there was!

But the Grand Masterstroke is that it’s the Iraqis who must be held responsible for the bloody chaos they are in! No blood on John’s hands! No splattered bits of human offal or brain on his starched, white, stuffed shirt.

Watch as it becomes the ungrateful, incompetent Iraqis’ fault (between now and the next Federal Election).

We are in awe. Absolutely in wide-eyed, jaw-on-the-floor awe at his brilliance.

Watch and weep. True Australian political values. Howard-style.

A Beautiful Thing

A Beautiful Thing

US Policy Adviser redefines “Beauty”

We have noticed a report that Kenneth Adelman has claimed that what the Coalition has done in Iraq is “a beautiful thing”. And we agree whole-heartedly. It’s a pity so few people now are able to see it this way. It just takes a little readjustment of the meaning of “beauty”.

As you know, the Australian Government applauds, approves and supports all things concerned with and initiated by the US Administration. We are desperate to be part of (and it is Australian Government policy to try as hard as we can to keep up with) their Grand Scheme of Things, and although its purpose is a mystery we have faith and trust in their goodness and wisdom. And you know that George has personal audiences with the Almighty, right there in the Oval Office!. God told him that Shock and Awe was what Jesus would have done.

“God told me to strike at al Qaida and I struck them, and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam, which I did.”   [New York Times, 24/9/2006]

Iraq; Kyoto; gay marriage; support for hypocritical closet homosexuals; inappropriately blurring the distinction between Church and State; scaremongering about terrorism; rewriting indigenous history, and now capital punishment — we’re with them.

Step for step. Lock step. Every step of the way.

We in the Howard Australian Government are pathetically grateful for any attention that the US may give us from time to time. For example, recently George W. Bush looked down at us and said, “You still here? I’d forgotten all about you! Look, we’re having a picnic. Why don’t you come along? In fact, you have to come along. It’s just over there in Iraq. Don’t forget to bring your sandshoes.” And then he patted us on the head and you should have seen our little governmental tail wagging!

Anyway, although we have faith and belief and trust, we are now confused.

When George asked us on the picnic, two of his top advisors were Richard Perle and Kenneth Adelman. They told us George was right. We believed them utterly because George told us to. And they said the nicest things about George and his Grand Scheme of Things.

When George told us that Donald Rumsfeld was the greatest military strategist who ever lived, of course we believed him. And no serving General ever disagreed. Until now.

It’s just that we’re a little confused about how the current situation in Iraq, which the US Military says is sliding swiftly towards chaos, fits into Rummy’s strategy. But then, he’s Rummy and George insists he’s still the greatest. What would little old us know? Probably chaos is part of Rummy’s strategy to confuse the enemy (that is, the Democrats).

But now the Military Times has an editorial calling for him to go. Vanity Fair has quotes from Richard Perle and from Kenneth Adelman saying that the Admninistration is “dysfunctional”. and these are people whose word we have accepted without question until now.

The editorial, “Time for Rumsfeld to Go”, says:

Rumsfeld has lost credibility with the uniformed leadership, with the troops, with Congress and with the public. His strategy has failed, and his ability to lead is compromised.

The time has come, Mr President, to face the hard bruising truth; Donald Rumsfeld must go.

Richard Perle is a former Assistant Secretary of Defense, and an advisor to Mr Bush on the Defense Policy Board, a member of the American Enterprise Institute, the Project for the New American Century and the Hudson Institute. I mean, if you can’t trust these people, who can you trust?

And yet he told Vanity Fair magazine that incompetence in the Administration had turned Iraq policy into a “disaster”. A disaster!

Kenneth Adelman is a member of the Project for the New American Century, Assistant to the Secretary of Defense, 1976-1977, member of the Committee on the Present Danger, the RAND Corporation and the Institute for Contemporary Studies.

I mean. that’s high-powered right-wing cred, okay? And he says he is “crushed” by the performance of Rumsfeld and the Administration.

“They turned out to be among the most incompetent teams in the postwar era,” he said. “Not only did each of them, individually, have enormous flaws, but together they were deadly, dysfunctional.”

So you can understand why we’re a little confused. We bet on these guys and now they’re saying “don’t put your money on Bush”.

Well, We still don’t know. If you don’t remember, Adelman is the guy who said,

“I believe demolishing Hussein’s military power and liberating Iraq would be a cakewalk,” 

and

“Measured by any cost-benefit analysis, such an operation would constitute the greatest victory in America’s war on terrorism].

And you know that glorious victory will come, we’re certain of it. Well, we hope desperately for it. It won’t heppen overnight, it may not even heppen this century, but it will heppen.

Kenneth Adelman, who looks like a kindly family doctor, is also the man who said about the war in Iraq:

“It bothers me that people in Britain don’t see it as people in America see it. We did a beautiful thing.”

And you know, we don’t think people are as aware as they should be of just how beautiful the thing we have done in Iraq is.

Should we agree with the US Military, Perle, Adelman, now or stand by George? Is George a dead duck like they say? If we stick with him like a mate, could we get burnt and look as stupid as him?

And then there’s the question of war crimes. People are starting to talk about them. Those civilian casualties are starting to bank up a bit, you now. They’re starting to look a bit untidy.

In 1946 the judges at Nuremberg who tried the Nazi leaders for war crimes left no doubt about what they regarded as the gravest crimes against humanity.

The most serious was unprovoked invasion of a sovereign state that offered no threat to one’s homeland. Then there was the murder of civilians, for which responsibility rested with the “highest authority”. [Pilger]

Now we would like to agree with Laura Rediehs:

“So, although both sides in this Great Cosmic Battle employ similar techniques – violence that includes the killing of innocent civilians – our doing this is justified because we are good; their doing it is unjustified because they are evil.”

… although we think she might have been being ironic. But she’s right. George talks to Jesus. The enemy only think they do.

Cronnultural Promotion

Cronnultural Promotion

Sydney Cultural Promotion Takes Off With a Bang

16 October, 2006

 

16 October, 2006 – The Promotional Campaign for this year’s annual Cultural Respect Classes has taken off with a bang in Sydney, beginning at Manly and Maroubra beaches.

13 people were allegedly “attacked” by a group of 20 men at Maroubra last night as they were setting up for a barbie. Their car windows were “smashed” in the promotion.

10 to 15 young people performed a promotional event at Manly Beach, where a teenager demonstrated “brawling”, “intimidating paparazzi”, and being “charged with offensive behaviour”.

The promotional activities were mounted to attract attention, and participants, to the Cultural Respect Classes which are held annually in December and January at Cronulla Beach, a famous sewer near Sydney.

“Respect for other people’s beliefs and cultures is a core Australia value,” said organiser of the Cronulla classes, Uberbarnstormenfeuhrer Adolf Schweitzer. “Australians have a deep respect for a wide diversity of European cultures such as English and American.

“We hope as many people as possible will get along to the classes this year but we do ask that they bring their own slabs, aussie flags and swastikas.”

Anyone interested in participating in the classes can contact their local branch of the Skinhead Alliance or anyone under 30 hanging around Cronulla or Brighton le Sands.

Australian Refujesus Exhibition

Australian Refujesus Exhibition

Minister von Rock Opens Australian Refujesus Exhibition

15 October, 2006

The Australian Minister for Pacific Island Guano Getaways and Internment (PIGGI), Mistress von Rock, has opened a very tasteful photographic exhibition of pathetically grateful boat people to mark the start of Refujesus Week.

The exhibition includes many happy snaps of grateful refugees who have been the guests of Mistress von Rock’s department. Most of the smiling refugees are still at large.

“The photos feature refugees who have sailed their leaky boats either off the edge and into Nauru, or right into the centre of Australia. People who can do that and can survive five or more years in one of our concentration camps are not only extremely resourceful but also extraordinarily resilient and that’s the sort of immigrant we like, picking our fruit and cleaning our toilets” says von Rock.

Speaking about the proposed Aussie Mateship test, von Rock said she did not believe it would disadvantage refugees.

“I’m a huge fan of people learning English,” she said, “and our Values Australia website is an excellent place to start.” 

“There are tremendous freedoms in Australia but if you don’t speak English, you’re limited in your access to them and I want these people to have access to every opportunity that Australia offers.

“At present we still have opportunities in Port Hedland, Woomera, Villawood, Maribyrnong, Christmas Island and Baxter,” she said, adding with an exhilarating crack of her whip, “On your knees! Have you been a naughty boy? You have, haven’t you, and you deserve to be punished, don’t you!”