Deffernishun:

The Values Australian Dictionary of Slang defines a Bogan as:

“ One who lives elsewhere than, or has interests different from, oneself. Melbournite. Dickhead.”

Mothers and farters right around Australia are hailing the ascension of celebrity bogan, Julia Gillard, to the Prime Ministership.

“ Oi’m jesso heppy that moy liddle Ashlyn will growup knowin’ that theirs noreson she carmpy Priminerser wahn die,” said Ashlyn’s father, Jayden Fondu, of Lamington West. “That there Juliard Gillette is a reel roll mottle fer yunsters and kiddy zevrywhere. Swat Oi sayed to young Brooklyn wen we was screamin’ ow guts out at the foody. ‘Yer doanaffter be a poof or a snob ter tell uvver peeple wodderdo. Youse girls ‘ave godder chanst now. Santa’s come down the chimbley wif a nurly chrissie pressie. How oarsome is that? You gopher it, girl!”

 

“ Doughfergit Gage, ow bewful li’l boy,” chewed the bogan children’s mother, Hailey. “Iss prufe. Even a deadset blue bogan can run the cuntry so vere’s nuffink none of ow kids cunt do.”

 

“ Strewth, too bloody right, cobber,” added the children’s other father, Logan Pavlova, quickly glassing his best mate, Landon. “Tudday, drag racin’ an’ a big-nigh-doubt at Mackers… Termorrer — the Lodge!”

Gillard is believed to be in fact the first Bogan to become Prime Minister, Head of Government, or Head of State anywhere in the known universe ever.

There is expected to be a run on the following children’s names. Prospective parents are adivsed to get their orders in early:

For boys:—

Tory, Ethan, Kyle, Aiden, Josh, Tyler, Zack, Kai, Xander, Troy.

For girls:—

Brody, Madison, Alyssa, Chloe, Mia, Brook, Trinity, Riley, Jade, Leah. 

Or Doreen:

“Wot’s in a name?” she sez.
‘Struth, I dunno.
Billo is just as good as Romeo.
She may be Juli-er or Juli-et–
‘E loves ‘er yet.
If she’s the tart ‘e wants, then she’s ‘is queen,
Names never count . . . But ar, I like “Doreen!”
(From ‘The Song of the Sentimental Bloke’ – C. J. Dennis)

Prime Minister Gillard is expected to move into the Lodge shortly after August 28* to play house with First Mate, Tim Mathieson. Fathers around the country hope that the PM’s example of unmarried bliss will catch on and save them a fortune in weddings, meaning they can extend the bar and the barbie area and buy that boat they’ve always dreamed of.

 * Note: The punters are strongly favouring August 28 as the election date. Sportingbet now has August 28 at $2.50, August 7 and 14 at $6.00, August 21 at $7.00, any date after November 27 at $8.00 and September 4 at $10.00

UPDATE:  The odds have collapsed down on August 14 to $2.10, with August 28 easing to $2.75! Probably something to do with some agreement being made. August 21 is at $5.50, August 7 at $7.00 Apparently nothing else is worth looking at. Labor $1.25 vs $3.50