This morning, at the breakfast board …

Sir Roger seemed agitated. Sucking the grease of a plump peasant pheasant thigh from his fingers, he suddenly ejaculated, “Did he bury the bloody thing before he cremated it‽ Or did he cremate it before burying it‽ Can you cremate something when it’s already buried‽ What is the point of burying it if it’s already cremated‽ One doesn’t…one can’t believe him! One suspects that he has hidden the thing away and that its grisly zombie body will rise from the grave as soon as the election is over if he wins … if  he wins … god save us if he wins … ”

The sweet young serving girl comforted Sir Roger with hot English truffled muffins, strawberries and cream, and other sustenance … and looked after him in the conservatory for a time until he was exhausted.

Sir Roger has asked one to share with his readers this excerpt from a Tony Abbott doorstop on 28 April:

“ QUESTION:

Speaking of endorsements by Queenslanders, Pauline Hanson has given you her endorsement to be PM. What do you think of that?

TONY ABBOTT:

Look, I’m happy to get as wide a range of endorsements as possible.

QUESTION:

But specifically from Pauline?

TONY ABBOTT:

I’m happy to get as wide a range of endorsements as possible.

As wide a range as possible? Ahmedinajad perhaps? Would an endorsement from Mugabe be welcomed? Kim Jong-il? Not too wide? Or Than Shwe? Still within the acceptable range?

Abbott is so demonstrably a man of such immense integrity.

Sir Roger had earlier in the morning been astonished by the view expressed by a woman from a certain Brisbane electorate that ‘a dreadful and massive invasion’ was taking place in north western Australia.

“They’re taking over the country!” she exclaimed.

Yes, apparently it is true, if you believe what the Monk and the Ranga are telling their “fellow Australians”.

Those pitifully few, desperate, seasick, starving, terrified, asylum seekers, with their hands out pleading for assistance, in their leaking boats, fleeing the murderous horrors against which our soldiers fight, magically become, as they enter Australian waters, mighty invading armies of terrorists intent on destroying (white) Australia’s way of life and all we have ever stood for… if, as Sir Roger repeats, you believe what both the emotionally unstable Catholic and the robotic Atheist claim.

“Whom must one vote for?” whimpered Sir Roger as he threw down another medicinal Rémy Martin.

“The Whores? Or the Other Whores?”