Life-Hack: How to satisfy yourself!

We reported yesterday [Black Breath of the Nazgûl] that the terrorist legislation implicitly requires you to satisfy yourself that anyone to whom you provide a service, item or product of any kind —

 which might conceivably be deemed at some future time to be a “resource” which might conceivably be used in a terrorist act by a terrorist or a terrorist organisation, or what might conceivably be deemed a terrorist organisation, at some indeterminate time in the future –

 you are required, as we say, to satisfy yourself that the person or organisation to whom you provide such a “resource” is not, or may not in the future turn out possibly to be, a terrorist or terrorist organisation.

 It is of no interest to the AFP, the DPP, the Minister for DIC, or the Nazgûl, whether you provide the resource in Australia or overseas, or whether the ‘terrorist act’ is, or may, occur in Australia or some other, crappy, country (like England).

 Nor do you have to be an Australian citizen.

 If you are in Australia now, whatever crappy other country you came from, you can be charged with anything you did anywhere in the world which resulted in an unfortunate and unforseeable outcome  — again, anywhere in the world.

 Naturally this has alarmed many people who wish to carry on business, and normal social and commercial intercourse with their other human beings including family, with the least amount of disruption.

 How, for example, in the event that you are ‘visited’ by the AFP, can you convince them that you were not “reckless” concerning the terroristic nature, dark inner thoughts, connections and intentions of everyone to whom you give or sell something?

 How, that is, are you expected to satisfy yourself that someone to whom you give or sell anything is not a terrorist or a member of a terrorist organisation? And how are you to satisfy yourself that the person could or would not find some nefarious way to put your innocent “resource” to some dastardly use?

 Well…

 It is apparent that the Govermint has been taking heed of the warnings of Values Australia!  The Department of Mateship has come to the rescue! It has produced the simple Form 1984 which you can give to your prospective giftee or customer to fill out while they wait.

DIC understands that this may result in some delays at, say, Bunnings checkouts but points out that it’s all for your own good and that safety and security are far more important than your personal sense of entitlement to such trivialities as freedom, liberty and other so-called “rights”.

 The government will keep you safe no matter what it costs you!

 This form is all you need to ensure that you cannot be charged with being “reckless” as to whether the person is a terrorist or a member of a terrorist organisation. Never mind whether the person lies on the form. The form itself is sufficient. A bureaucratically measurable tick in a box beats reality hands down every time.

 Ideas: Put a pile of Form 1984s on your counter, pre-ticked for efficiency.

And if you’re travelling overseas on a working holiday, take a bunch of Form 1984s  with you just in case.

 View Form 1984 here