Lord Water Cunntiham in High Spirits!

We have received news from our Dear Leader, Lord Water Cunntiham, that he is in high spirits today.

Very high spirits indeed!

There is a definite spring in his trackie-suited step today!

Yes, girls and boys, the Labor Party is indulging itself in the annual orgy of self-immolation: the remnants of the ancient ritual of the “works picnic” – all that is left of the union movement in Australia – in the favourite game of Disembowel the Leader. The game goes like this:

1. first you play a game of Chinese Whispers about the leader,
2. then you tie him up and kneecap him,
3. and then you cut off his head.

It is all very jolly and only the Labor Party can play it at the level of expertise that makes it such a fun spectator sport.

If leader survive this process, they are permitted to contest the next election, but they will not win because their vocal chords have been cut in the beheading process and they cannot walk because they are crippled by the kneecapping.

When they lose the election they are vilified and ostracised.

Should they fail to survive the process – which preferably occurs shortly before an election – the youngest picnicker is chosen to represent the party and given a new nappy.

When they lose the following election they are vilified and ostracised and their career is over, but in the meantime, like a Nepalese goddess, they have had a most remarkable experience.

So all in all, the Prime Monitor is very happy because, whatever happens, he knows that he is not going to need to worry about losing the next election. He is not going to have to locate Iraqi refugees or fake-up pictures of children in the water. And those of us in the ministries are heaving a deep sigh of relief because we know that we are not going to have to modify our heartless and corrupt practices in the short term.

In other news
We have come across a scurrilous publication which claims that the USA – our very dearest friend and moral mentor (apart from Indonesia, oh, and Malaysia as of yesterday) – misled the world about Iraq, was corrupt and incompetent and generally lied about what it knew.

You should read this wretched book to learn exactly how low the left will stoop to disturb your comfortable ignorance with the truth.

It’s called The Best War Ever. There is a trailer here:

and you can buy it here.  Maybe. If there are any left.