Recently George W. Bush made a keynote speech on democracy to the democracy-loving [tag]dictator[/tag]s, [tag]autocrat[/tag]s, [tag]king[/tag]s, [tag]emir[/tag]s, [tag]prince[/tag]s, [tag]ayatollah[/tag]s and [tag]tribal leader[/tag]s of the Middle East. Oddly enough, he congratulated them on their democracies. Someone should have explained that the Middle East is pretty much a certified democracy-free zone.

It appears some of the speech was missing from reports. [tag]Values Australia[/tag] has been able to locate some of the missing lines from the following excerpts.

BUSH: For decades, the people of this region saw their desire for [tag]liberty[/tag] and [tag]justice[/tag] denied at home and dismissed abroad in the name of stability. Today your aspirations are threatened by [tag]violent extremists[/tag] who murder the innocent in pursuit of [tag]power[/tag].

[Extremists like me.]

These extremists have hijacked the noble [tag]religion[/tag] of [tag]Islam[/tag], and seek to impose their totalitarian ideology on millions.

[As I have. (I made that up about Islam being a "noble religion", by the way. There's only one true religion - the Holy Ghost told me so, personally.)]

They hate [tag]freedom[/tag] and they hate democracy…

[Just like I do.]

…because it fosters [tag]religious tolerance[/tag]…

[I hate that. [tag]God[/tag] hates that. He told me.]

They hate your [tag]government[/tag] because it does not share their [tag]dark vision[/tag].

[Except for your distaste for democracy.]

They hate the [tag]United States[/tag] because they know we stand with you in opposition to their brutal ambitions.

[I'm not sharing "brutal [tag]ambition[/tag]s” with no-one.]

And everywhere they go, they use murder and fear to foment instability to advance their aims.

[Exactly like I do.]

The United States appreciates that democratic progress requires tough choices. Our own history teaches us that the road to freedom is not always even, and democracy does not come overnight.

[But my administration is showing how it can be destroyed overnight.]

Yet we also know that for all the difficulties, a society based on liberty is worth the sacrifice.

[The sacrifice of Iraqis, for example.]

We know that democracy is the only form of government that treats individuals with the [tag]dignity[/tag] and [tag]equality[/tag] that is their right.

[Look at our [tag]health system[/tag], especially our treatment of [tag]Iraq[/tag] [tag]War veterans[/tag] at [tag]Walter Reed[/tag], and the thousands of traumatised Iraq War veterans who are [tag]homeless[/tag] and living on the streets in the wealthiest country in the world.]

We know from experience that democracy is the only system of government that yields lasting peace and stability.

[Except, okay, I know you guys in the [tag]Emirates[/tag] and around here haven’t been to war lately. But that’s nothing compared to the peace and stability I’ve personally brought to the Iraqi people!]

In a democracy, leaders depend on their people — and most people do not want war and [tag]bloodshed[/tag] and [tag]violence[/tag].

[But some people deserve it, just for being so innocent.]

Most people want lives of peace and opportunity. So it is the declared policy of the United States to support these peoples as they claim their freedom — as a matter of natural right and national interest.

[Look at the peace and opportunity I've provided to Iraqi [tag]mums and dads[/tag].]

Today America is using its influence to foster peace and reconciliation in the [tag]Holy Land[/tag].

[We're fostering peace at the rate of $4,000 a second. That's a huge commitment in [tag]bombs[/tag] and [tag]fighter planes[/tag] and [tag]humvees[/tag] and [tag]Blackwater[/tag] [tag]mercenaries[/tag] and dead Americans.]

The [tag]Israel[/tag]is have raised a thriving modern society out of rocky soil, and want to live their lives in freedom and security at home and at peace with their neighbors. The [tag]Palestinian[/tag] people aspire to build a nation of their own — where they can live in dignity and realize their dreams. Today Israelis and Palestinians each understand that the only way to realize their own goals is by helping one another.

[The names of the two Israelis and the three Palestinians who understand this are available on request from my office. Specifically the Israelis are helping the Palestinians in the [tag]Gaza[/tag] Strip live in dignity by killing them, and turning off their electricity, and building a special wall of understanding to cut off the Palestinians from their land. The Palestinians are showing their gratitude by bombing Israeli cities and from time to time by generously sharing their guts with as many people as possible.]

To the people of Iraq: You have made your choice for democracy, and you have stood firm in face of terrible acts of [tag]murder[/tag].

[Or more accurately, I have chosen democracy for you and you have lain down in blood in the face of my terrible acts of murder - but loving murder, though...you know, just like [tag]Jesus[/tag] told me to.]

[tags]Bush, George Bush, President Bush, White House, Middle East, democracy, Iraq, politics, global politics, world politics, politics and government[/tags]