Naked, Spread-Eagle Paris Hilton, Britney, Lindsay
[tag]Paris Hilton[/tag] Laid Bare
The doom of [tag]Paris[/tag]’s incarceration being almost upon us, the teen temperance message of sculptor [tag]Daniel Edwards[/tag] takes on timely significance.
The Paris Hilton Autopsy sculpture has aroused quite a lot of interest. As one commenter on the Unspeak blog notes,
it’s a lifesize model of the titular drink-driver filled with plastic entrails. Visitors can don rubber gloves and poke around inside.
There have been suggestions that it’s a waste of time, as anyone who wants to poke around inside Paris Hilton has probably already done so…
Meanwhile desperate last-minute flurries of activity are afoot to attempt to find less terrible alternatives for Paris.
Jack Singleton brought Paris to [tag]Sydney[/tag] to launch Bondi Blonde beer.
“His agency, Jack Watts Currie, has forked out close to $1million to place ads in US papers and trade magazines asking authorities to send the socialite to Australia instead of jail.”
In a vast improvement on the $100million (or so) slogan “Where the Fuck Are Youse”, at a tiny fraction of the price, the ads do wonders for Australia’s international image with the new slogan,
“Please send Paris Hilton to the world’s biggest convict colony: Australia”.
The class of the real Hilton Paris contrasts starkly with the unreal Paris Hilton whose more accurate and happy match is the [tag]Scunthorpe[/tag] Travelodge.
The [tag]Scunthorpe problem[/tag]
According to Wikipedia,
In 1996 there was controversy when AOL’s obscenity filter (among others) refused to accept the name of the town due to its inclusion of the substring cunt, which the filter rejected as obscene. Some online forums display the name as S****horpe, while Fark.com would display it as Scoonthorpe. This situation is known in the computing world as the Scunthorpe Problem.
In a recent survey circa April 2007, Scunthorpe was voted the 8th worst place to raise a family in the UK. Quite so.
[tag]Britney[/tag] Laid Bear (you have to agree it’s at least plausible)
[tag]Britney Spears[/tag] has been blessed with being lovingly caressed by the same hands as those which fashioned the internally inspectable Paris. This work, however was a life-affirming image of Britney giving birth.
In breaking news this week are brown and steaming reports that Britney has been taking the first steps towards her next birthing exercise. The scuttlebutt is that Britney and [tag]Ryan Phillippe[/tag] “enjoyed a steamy tryst in a nightclub toilet last week. The single stars reportedly hooked up at trendy Los Angeles night spot Les Deux – but their representatives have told the New York Daily News the rumours are completely false. U.S. tabloid The [tag]National Enquirer[/tag] claimed
“Britney had her arms around him”, before the pair sneaked to the toilets and bodyguards “busted in the door and found Britney and Ryan groping and kissing”.
Meanwhile, the NZ Herald reports on an enterprising [tag]pants-free[/tag] Britney spin-off which has the people of NZ in uproar. Seven of them, anyway. Apparently Sky TV used a picture of Britney’s pantie-free stunt in which her very un-turny-onny quim was covered by blue knickers under the headline, “Something Everyone Wants to See”. I don’t think so. One complainant claimed the image presented women as sex objects. Um, for the majority of men, at least in [tag]Australia[/tag], women are the objects of our sexual preferences. Apparently it is different in [tag]New Zealand[/tag]. [Insert your own gratuitous sheep and gumboot jokes here.]
Elsewhere, [tag]Mini Britney[/tag] is causing an absolute sensation in New York. Watch a clip here.
Her father just wants [tag]Lindsay Lohan[/tag] to know that religion is the last refuge of the mind-fucked.
Lohan’s father urges her to find [tag]God[/tag]
Lindsay Lohan’s estranged father says the troubled Hollywood starlet needs to lose her self-serving friends, find God, and reunite with him.
The 20-year-old actress remained out of sight today after a Friday night that ended with her crashing her [tag]Mercedes[/tag] and being cited for drink driving by police in Beverly Hills.
Officers said they found a small amount of a substance believed to be cocaine in her car.
Michael Lohan, who has had his own brushes with the law and recently spent a stint in jail for driving under the influence, said his daughter’s run-in with the law may turn out to be a welcome wake-up call.
The starlet, dubbed LiLo and who recently topped [tag]Maxim[/tag] magazine’s Hot 100 list of sexiest women, came under fire last year for arriving late – or not showing up at all – on the set of her latest movie, [tag]Georgia Rule[/tag], in which she plays an out-of-control teen.
Come on, she was just researching her next role, like Winona Ryder before her.
But none of those women comes close to these [tag]Australian girls[/tag].
Aussie Value #3: Aussie girls are the toppest women in the world.
And you get this t-shirt and heaps of other good stuff at the ValuesAustralia Shop.
[tags]australian values, aussie values, t-shirt[/tags]