John Howard Suicide Watch
Rumours are swirling around [tag]Canberra[/tag], [tag]Washington[/tag] and [tag]Wollstonecraft[/tag] that John Howard is on [tag]suicide[/tag] watch. Despite his warm acceptance in the US by [tag]neo-con[/tag] [tag]thinktank[/tag]s such as the [tag]American Enterprise Institute[/tag], Howard apparently plunged into a deep [tag]depression[/tag] during [tag]Kevin Rudd[/tag]‘s visit to [tag]President Bush[/tag] yesterday. “First,” he is reported to have wept, “he destroyed my crowning achievement, my life’s work, my life’s [tag]WorkChoices[/tag], my [tag]AWAs[/tag]. He apologised to the [tag]aboriginal[/tag] people and the sky didn’t fall in. George forgot to tell Rudd that withdrawing from Iraq would result in utter calamity and that American prestige would be destroyed leading to global instability. Instead he called him a good bloke and a Texan. Oh, George, what were you thinking? All those times we were together alone you never called me a Texan!”
“But George and me…(sob)…How could he…(sob)…that was…(sob)…what we had…(sob)…we…we were, like….,” he sobbed, “…and now he has gone and stolen my most special thing.” He was unable to continue and the cameras cut away as quickly as the [tag]Chinese[/tag] from an [tag]Olympic[/tag]-[tag]flame[/tag]-lighting [tag]ceremony[/tag].
It is believed that Mr Howard, whose forbear was the ruthless and brutal [tag]Lord Water Cunntiham[/tag], was referring to the moment in the meeting between the [tag]Prime Minister[/tag] and the [tag]President[/tag] when the President, nonchalantly stripping [tag]Mr Howard[/tag] of his proudest award, conferred upon Mr [tag]Rudd[/tag] the very highest possible [tag]American[/tag] [tag]honour[/tag]: [tag]Man of Steel[/tag].
Mr Howard spent an hour today at the [tag]Reserve Bank[/tag] where he is understood to have placed his [tag]Deputy Sheriff[/tag] [tag]badge[/tag] under lock and key in the [tag]safety deposit[/tag] vault.
“Rudd will never take that alive!” said he, according to [tag]innocent bystander[/tag]s in [tag]Martin Place[/tag].
Bush this week called the [tag]fighting[/tag] in [tag]Basra[/tag] between the [tag]Iraqi [/tag]forces and the [tag]Mehdi Army[/tag], which so far has claimed over 200 lives:
Yep. Can’t have people thinking they’re above the law. “There’s only room for one of us.”
So perhaps in the spirit of this very special “defining moment” Bush will at last be able to define [tag]torture[/tag] as the kind of “robust” questioning he so enjoys authorising.
Rudd made George an honorary Queenslander.¹
Did Bush really say “[tag]Half glass full[/tag] guy” again? Yes, he did.
On whether the US-Australia alliance could be as strong when the US administration and the Rudd Government had big differences on Iraq, China and climate change, Mr Bush replied: â€œI guess it depends if you’re a [tag]half-glass empty[/tag] guy or a half-glass full guy.â€
[tag]French President[/tag] [tag]Sarkozy[/tag] and [tag]British[/tag] Prime Minister [tag]Gordon Brown[/tag] had their big [tag]Summit Meeting[/tag] not at [tag]No. 10[/tag], not at [tag]Checkers[/tag], but at the [tag]Arsenal[/tag] [tag]Football Club[/tag]. “Well, whatcher doin’ tomorrer?” “Nuffink reelly. Worrabout you?” “I was finkin’ of, you know, just kickin’ a ball around a bit.” “Orright, ven. Whyncha come down the club?” “Yeah, orright, mon ami.”
But things didn’t turn out exactly as planned…
Hat-Tip for original photos: WIIIAI
And Back Home in [tag]Australia[/tag]
Extraordinary scenes on [tag]Sydney[/tag]‘s “[tag]leafy North Shore[/tag]” Friday as the “[tag]Breath of Death[/tag]“, former [tag]Attorney General[/tag], former [tag]Minister[/tag] for Banging Up [tag]Innocent[/tag] People and Desperate [tag]Refugee[/tag]s for [tag]Electoral[/tag] Advantage, [tag]Phillip Ruddock[/tag], described himself as a [tag]political[/tag] “[tag]moderate[/tag]“. The [tag]laughter[/tag] could be heard as far away as the old [tag]Baxter[/tag] [tag]Detention Centre[/tag] where the laughter echoed as hollow and sepulchral as the now empty facility…and Ruddock’s heart.
¹ Insiders believe that the Honorary Queenslander Kit™ included: a million dollars, a [tag]mullet[/tag], an iron-on [tag]Pauline Hanson[/tag] [tag]tattoo[/tag] and a pair of white shoes. But apparently Bush already has a set…
[tags]Howard, John Howard, American Enterprise Institute, Rudd, Bush, Mehdi, Mahdi, defining moment, interesting moment, test and a moment, positive moment, immigration, minister for immigration, Riverdance, Flatley, Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance, Tony Blair, Blair, Baxter Detention Centre, international, travel, international politics, politics, politics and government, government and politics, Iraq War, invasion, US politics, American politics, global politics, world politics, France, French, Iraq withdrawal, Australian politics, Australian government, American military, Australian values, values, morals, worth, merit, cost, price, ethics, principle, integrity, justice, Aussie, Aussie values, humour, humor, satire, parody, joke[/tags]