In Conversation

Gluttony Magazine lunched recently with two of Australia’s leading rightwing ‘Intellectuals’, Pia Zuckermann and Barrymore Nutt¹

Values Australia is delighted to have an advance copy of the resulting article and we present it here.

Gluttony: What is your position on the press in Australia?

Pia Zuckermann: Look, I do so wish the peasantwy would desist from disagweeing with its betters. It’s so flagwantly utterly absurdly wwong. What they believe is so contwawy to my opinion I wonder why they even bother bweathing.

Barrymore Nutt: Pass the muffins, pass the truffles, pass the chitlins, pass the crême bruléé.

PZ: I mean, do they even wealise there’s a diffwence between the awistocwacy and the elite? The elite is the jumped up peasantwy twying to claw their way to the top over those chosen by god to wule over the unwuly, beastly masses; climbing up with their “ideas”! You know, the upper cwust don’t need “ideas”. They just “know”. For the awistocwacy wuling is in our blood.

BN: Pass the oysters, pass the turkey, pass the Grange, pass the gâteau.

PZ:They couldn”t possibly gwasp that the weason Austwawia isn‘t a wepublic is because ditching the Queen would be like kicking your Mum off her own dunny in the middle of the night without her ugh boots.

BN: Pass the Beaujolais, pass the caviar, pass the suckling pig, pass the brie, pass the Bollinger.

Gluttony: You mention elitists from time to time. One would have thought that you were the elite – a limited number of people with a large amount of power and wealth?

PZ: Someone fwom the servant classes who thwough their own work and the sacwifices of their family went to university, and who believes in sharewing political power amongst the masses, that’s an “elitist”. Someone born to wealth and power who doesn’t need to go to university, that’s a “stockbwoker”. Or a “Liberwal politician”.

BN: Pass the Château Barréjat, pass the suckling pig, pass the baby’s heart, pass the grapes.

Gluttony: If someone from the upper classes makes a ridiculous, impractical and outlandish statement what is that called?

PZ: “Liberwal Party policy”.

BN: Pass the black sausage, pass the chitlins, pass the crême bruléé.

Gluttony: If someone from the working class makes a logical rebuttal of ruling class myths, what is that called?

PZ:”Bwaaaying”. The “bwaaaaaaying of the maaaaasses”.

BN: Pass the crepe suzette, pass the joint, pass the pheasant, pass the lobster.

Gluttony: The chattering classes complain about all those Iraqis who have died.

PZ: They should have stayed at home.

BN: Pass the scampi, pass the escargot, pass the Rochefort, pass the frogslegs.

Gluttony: To be fair, the Iraqis were at home.

PZ: Then they should have ducked.

BN: Pass the hogshead, pass the lark’s tongue, pass the marinated baby’s nipples…

Gluttony: What should we do about the poor and the hungry?

PZ: If the the peasantwy are so hungwy why don’t they wing for dinner? But no, of course they won’t lift a finger to help themselves. It’s so typical of the underclass!

BN: Pass the bucket.

¹Barrymore Nutt’s forebear, Harry Bolte, responding to criticisms that the Victorian National Gallery looked like Pentridge prison (where Australia’s last judicial murder was carried out), said, “I don’t think it looks like Pentridge at all. They can’t have windows because they need the hanging space.” Bosie, as Barrymore is known to his friends, is a tireless campaigner for the reintroduction of the death penalty for serious crimes and affronts such as being poor, voting for the Labor Party, and disagreeing with his opinions.

[tags]Australian values, Australian culture, Australian politics, right wing, working class, Iraq, Liberal Party, Liberals, Labor, Labor Party, ruling class, chattering class, elite, aristocracy[/tags]