When Malcolm Turnbull jumps, or gets the shove, there are four people we’d love to see as the next Leader of the Opposition to lose an election. Two are possibilites, two are not. The reason we would be happy to see any one of them win a leadership struggle is because we want to see all of them humiliated and their political careers destroyed. They would all be enthusiastic participants in this.

There is no way that Jolly Joe is stupid enough to take on the leadership before the certain rout of the next election. He doesn’t want to go into the first election the Liberals could conceivably win (the one after next … possibly … ) with a defeat already under his belt.

So that leaves the Four Stooges.

The two we would really love to have a go – but who wouldn’t stand and wouldn’t stand a chance of selection – are Ironbar Wilson Fuckyouse and the Nazgûl, Philip Ruddock. Both deserve to be deeply humiliated; Tuckey for bullyingly foisting on others the cavernous depths of his ignorance and stupidity; Ruddock for arrogantly and inhumanely foisting on others the cavernous depths of his ignorance and stupidity.

It would be a spectacularly entertaining, colourful and noisy sight to behold – but an extremely brief one – to watch Rasputin the Mad Abbott going off like someone dropping a match into a bagful of fireworks on crackernight.

But the most likely, because he’s the only prospect who is both stupid enough to want the job and jaw-droppingly deluded enough about his abilities to be blind to his incompetence and adequacy is the Hero of Haneef, Kevin Andrews.

Yes, Kevin. Go Kev! Please. Please stand. Please knock Malcolm off. The sooner you do, the sooner you can be punished for your unforgiveable sins as Minister for Immigration. We’ll be praying that you do it, Kev. We know you will be, too.

[tags]Liberal Party, leadership, Liberal leadership, leadership struggle, spill, leadership spill, Turnbull, Malcolm Turnbull, Joe Hockey, Hockey, Tuckey, Wilson Tuckey, Ironbar Tuckey, Ruddock, Philip Ruddock, Phillip Ruddock, Rasputin, Andrews, Kevin Andrews, Haneef, election, Australian politics, politics, government, Immigration, values, Australian values[/tags]