No, it is not true what they say about gerbils. It is an urban myth.

In fact it is an indictment on those who gleefully pass on these stories and associate them with movie stars that they do so with no consideration for the impact on other human beings, with no evidence whatever, and without ever checking their facts. This, unlike blasphemy, is not a victimless crime. The story is probably promulgated by gullible and prejudiced people as “proof” of the inexpressible deviancy of poofters.

On the other hand it is hilarious when it is not hurtful. For example:

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Transcript:

“In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil,” Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew “Kiki” Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
“I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,” he explained. “As usual, Kiki shouted out ‘Armageddon,’ my cue that he’d had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn’t come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him.”

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. “The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski’s hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball.”

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

By the way, when you receive those “you’ll never believe this” emails – like “Microsoft is going to give you a free phone if you pass this email on to as many people as you can”, or “little Johnny is dying and wants to break the Guinness record for postcards before he dies”, or “such and such a silly woman claimed millions of dollars from Macdonalds because she spilled hot coffee in her lap at a drive-through”, go straight to snopes.com. You will find that the scam is years, even decades, old and that the unfortunate recipient of your postcards wishes you would stop it. Please do this before you send the email on to your ex-friends.

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