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Our best mate Rupe






Pia Zuckermann

Barrymore Nutt










Applying to be an Aussie vizor application







































Ann Coulter
"Don't let me vote; I'm a woman."































Australia is owned by a mate called Rupe. Kez used to own some of it too but he gave it away to Jimbo in return for a big barbie at the Opera House and Jimbo gave it away to buy some more pokies and sling a few bucks at Mother Hubbard.

Rupe used to own most of the news and because he's a best mate we just now decided to flick him the rest. We were worried that the cockies would get a bit pissed off about that, but Rupe explained that they were terrorist pedophile commie greenie hippies who vote for Katter and, like a bunch of fairies, mightn't always agree with kiling innocent civilians in other countries. So that's all right then.

We still own all the phones but we've got this great idea!
We sell them to ourself and make heaps of cash!*

Anyway all the best people work for Rupe (our mate!). And here are a few bits of how they explain it all to us.

Pia Zuckermann
in conversation with Barrymore Nutt

Interview with the Secretary of DSS, Moe Vimes

TV Interview with Carmen deVille

In Conversation

Barrymore Nutt*
and Pia Zuckermann

Gluttony: What is your position on the press in Australia?

Pia Zuckermann: Look, I do so wish the peasantwy would desist from disagweeing with its betters. It’s so flagwantly utterly absurdly wwong. What they believe is so contwawy to my opinion I wonder why they even bother bweathing.

Barrymore Nutt: Pass the muffins, pass the truffles, pass the chitlins, pass the crême bruléé.

PZ: I mean, do they even wealise there’s a diffwence between the awistocwacy and the elite? The elite is the jumped up peasantwy twying to claw their way to the top over those chosen by god to wule Lipmann's "beast"; climbing up with their “ideas”! You know, the upper cwust don’t need "ideas". They just “know”. For the awistocwacy wuling is in our blood.

BN: Pass the oysters, pass the turkey, pass the Grange, pass the gâteau.

PZ:They couldn''t possibly gwasp that the weason Austwawia isn‘t a wepublic is because ditching the Queen would be like kicking your Mum off her own dunny in the middle of the night without her ugh boots.

BN: Pass the Beaujolais, pass the caviar, pass the suckling pig, pass the brie, pass the Bollinger.

G: You mention elitists from time to time. One would have thought that you were the elite.

PZ: Someone fwom the servant classes who thwough their own work and the sacwifices of their family went to university, that's an "elitist". Someone born to wealth and power who doesn't need to go to university, that's a "stockbwoker". Or a "Liberal politician"

BN: Pass the Château Barréjat, pass the suckling pig, pass the baby's heart, pass the grapes.

G: If someone from the upper classes makes a ridiculous, impractical and outlandish statement what is that called?

PZ: "Liberwal party policy".

BN: Pass the black sausage, pass the chitlins, pass the crême bruléé.

G: If someone from the working class makes a logical rebuttal of ruling class myths, what is that called?

PZ:"Bwaaaying". The "bwaaaaying of the maaaaasses".

BN: Pass the crepe suzette, pass the joint, pass the pheasant, pass the lobster.

G: The chattering classes complain about all those Iraqis who died.

PZ: They should have stayed at home.

BN: Pass the scampi, pass the escargot, pass the Rochefort, pass the frogslegs.

G: To be fair, they were at home.

PZ: Then they should have ducked.

BN: Pass the hogshead, pass the lark's tongue, pass the marinated baby's nipples...

G: What should we do about the poor and the hungry?

PZ: If the the peasantwy are so hungwy why don’t they wing for dinner? But no, of course they won’t lift a finger to help themselves. It’s so typical of the underclass!

BN: Pass the bucket.

*Barrymore Nutt's forebear, Harry, responding to criticisms that the Victorian National Gallery looked like Pentridge prison (where Australia’s last judicial murder was carried out), said, “I don’t think it looks like Pentridge at all. They can’t have windows because they need the hanging space.” Bosie, as Barrymore is known to his friends, is a tireless campaigner for the reintroduction of the death penalty for serious crimes such as being poor, voting for the ALP, and disagreeing with his opinions.


TV Interview with the Secretary of DSS, Moe Vimes.

VA: Mr Vimes, Thanks for coming in. Firstly, what does DSS stand for?

MV: Defence Security Squadron, but some people joke that it means Department for Scaring people Shitless.

VA: The PM is big on mateship.

MV: That's right. That's what we are charged with defending.

VA: What's mateship?

MV: It's one of Australia’s strongest values - a mate is someone who doesn't want your job. Mateship means you don’t dob in your mates.

VA: Then why did Australia dob in the Bali Nine?

MV: Well, you know, there are thousands of young Australian kids who are alive right now.

VA: And so explain to me. The Australian kids are on death row because we dobbed them in?

MV: But there are thousands of Australian kids alive right now.

VA: Yes but the Indonesians condemned Australian kids to die in front of a firing squad. Don’t you think that’s barbaric?

MV: Indonesia is very strong on drugs – they don’t want their Indonesian kids dying from drugs and there are thousands of Indonesian kids alive right now.

VA: But they were taking the drugs away from Indonesia, away from Indonesian kids.

MV: Yes but there are thousands of Australian kids alive right now.

VA: We dobbed them in - supposedly they were mates because they presumably didn't want our jobs - knowing they could face the death penalty and knowing Australia doesn’t support the death penalty.

MV: Well, yes, but some people are a bit how's-your-father about the death penalty for the Bali bombers - some people don't sort of un-support it.

VA: But what was to stop us working with the Indonesians to catch the Bali Nine when they returned to Australia. Fewer drugs in Indonesia, and the perpetrators are still brought to justice – Australian justice. Australian jails. No death penalties.

MV: We have to work with the Indonesians.

VA: That would still have been working with the Indonesians.

MV: But there are thousands of Australian kids alive right now.

VA: Except, soon enough there could be a few less. And those thousands of Australian kids would still be alive if you’d waited to catch them here.

MV:But there are thousands of Australian kids alive right now. And we have to work with the Indonesians.

VA: Moe, do you ever feel like a bit of a stooge?

MV: We have to work with the Indonesians.

VA: Thank you.


Australia's right-thinking mates pretty well get their sense of decency from their American friends, so here is a taste of the future. Even we think she's over the top, but in a couple of years, who knows...

Ann Coulter

"Environmentalists' energy plan is a repudiation of American Christian destiny which is jet skis, steak on the electric grill, hot showers and night skiing."

"The ethic of conservation is the explicit abnegation of man's dominion over the Earth. The lower species are here for our use. God said so: Go forth, be fruitful, multiply, and rape the planet--it's yours. That's our job: drilling, mining and stripping."

"When we were fighting communism, OK, they had mass murderers and gulags, but they were white men and they were sane. Now we're up against absolutely insane savages."

"As for converting them to Christianity, I think it might be a good idea to get them on some sort of hobby other than slaughtering infidels."

"Perhaps we could put aside our national, ongoing, post-9/11 Muslim butt-kissing contest and get on with the business at hand: Bombing Syria back to the stone age and then permanently disarming Iran."

"I think the government should be spying on all Arabs, engaging in torture as a televised spectator sport, dropping daisy cutters wantonly throughout the Middle East, and sending liberals to Guantanamo."

"If [Muslims] had that much energy, they'd have indoor plumbing by now."

"I have to say I'm all for public flogging. One type of criminal that a public humiliation might work particularly well with are the juvenile delinquents."

"My libertarian friends are probably getting a little upset now but I think that's because they never appreciate the benefits of local fascism."

"God has no part in their religion of sex education, environmentalism, feminism, Marxism and loving Big Brother."

"[Liberals are] constantly name-calling instead of making reasoned arguments."

"Liberalism is a religion - a comprehensive belief system denying the Christian belief in man's immortal soul. Liberalism is the opposition party to God."

"Congress could pass a law tomorrow requiring that all aliens from Arabic countries leave."

"We should invade [Muslim] countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren't punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That's war. And this is war."

"If Gore had been elected president, right now he would just be finding that last lesbian quadriplegic for the Special Forces team."

"The Episcopals (sic) don't demand much in the way of actual religious belief. They have girl priests, gay priests, gay bishops, gay marriages."

"...the Democrats' behavior other than that they long to see U.S. troops shot, humiliated, and driven from the field of battle. They fill the airwaves with treason."

"It's as if all the brain-damaged people in America got together and formed a voting bloc."

"I'm genuinely against America deploying troops without a really, really good reason. I just can't imagine anyone not seeing 9/11 as a really good reason for wiping out Islamic totalitarians."

Ann Coulter is a hugely popular author and television commentator in the US. Millions and millions of Americans agree with her and buy her best-selling books.



Perhaps more excessive even than Coulter,

Pierce Kramer

is one of the most extreme political commentators on the Australian, or even the world, scene, who is still at large.

Brooking no liberalist sophistry, no refuge in "philosophy", no escape into "ethical" niceties, no loose morality and staunchly refusing to shake metaphorical hands in any way with the treachery of the left, Pierce Kramer is the darling and visionary of the "legitimate right" particularly in the USA.

Naturally he despises them all.

You can read his milder, publishable opinions in his blog: "Believe Me."































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