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Applying to be an Aussie vizor application






Basically, every Australian is always having a barbecue, or "barbie" -

Barbecued burnt bacon, eggs and sausage for breakfast, barbecued burnt sausage and onion sandwich for lunch and barbecued burnt steak and sausage for dinner. Barbecue meat is always marinated in VB (except in Leichhardt and Carlton and the whole of Adelaide, where they have barbecued wogmeat for every meal washed down with a barbecued imported chardonnay before they go off and have a committee meeting of the marxist socialist alliance or what is called the "greens").

Aussies have barbecues because they are a spiritual people and it says in the bible they have to.

And he shall put his hand upon the head of the burnt offering; and it shall be accepted for him to make atonement for him.

And he shall kill the bullock before the LORD: and the priests, Aaron's sons, shall bring the blood, and sprinkle the blood round about upon the altar that [is by] the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.

And he shall flay the burnt offering, and cut it into his pieces.

And the sons of Aaron the priest shall put fire upon the altar, and lay the wood in order upon the fire:

And the priests, Aaron's sons, shall lay the parts, the head, and the fat, in order upon the wood that [is] on the fire which [is] upon the altar:

But his inwards and his legs shall he wash in water: and the priest shall burn all on the altar, [to be] a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD.

Aussies don't eat veggies.

Australians value the pavlova and the lamington. Lamingtons are scarce. They are hard to catch because they are always running away and jumping off cliffs.

Australians don't value Vegemite. They pray to it as a black deity. If you want to be an Aussie you have to prove you like it by eating it out of a jar with a spoon.

Australia is a big country almost entirely covered in suburbs. There is a little bit in the middle where we keep some special things like the last remaining farmers and a big rock and a small hill we paint white in the winter. Real Aussies don't ski. They pose around in silly-looking boiler suits and a couple of planks and drink heaps of wog drinks like gluwein and get completely pissed and then go back to Sydney and strut around in front of their mates.


Darwin is a world-class beer-drinking contest named after a Beagle.

The contest is held once a year and lasts twelve months.

White people in Darwin are called "Darwinians".

Darwinians are the world champion beer drinkers.

When Darwinians get drunk it's so funny we piss ourselves laughing.

Black people in Darwin are called "prisoners".

When black people in Darwin get drunk it's degenerate and typical of their depravity.


Northern Terrortory
Darwin is in the Northern Terrortory, so-named because the Northern Terrortory is where heaps of Terrorists always try to get into Australia. We know they are terrorists because they try to get into Australia without filling in the visa application where it says you promise you are not a terrorist.

The Northern Terrortory is also the petrol sniffing capital of the world. Everyone is responsible for trying to find out who has responsibility for this problem but so far no one wants it. As we've said, Australians respect and value their women. The value of a young aboriginal girl in the Northern Terrortory is about a jamjar of petrol.

Australian Sense of Humour

What’s a really funny Australian joke?

Farting in a lift full of Pommies. Everyone gets it, guaranteed.


Great Aussie Blokes

What is a Great Aussie Bloke?

Dean Jones is a Great Aussie Bloke. He says what he thinks about terrorists. He’s not politically correct and that’s what makes him a GAB. Plus, he creamed the Poms lots so he’ll be made an archangel when God puts up the finger.

John Hopoate is a Great Aussie Bloke. He demonstrated how God puts up the finger.

Barry Humphreys could have been a Great Aussie Bloke because he makes us piss ourselves laughing, but he wears a dress.

Donald Bradman was a Great Aussie Bloke before he ascended into heaven to sitteth on the right hand of the father. Although he was a pompous, narrow-minded old turd, that didn’t count because he smashed the Poms at cricket lots and lots of times and anyone who can give the Poms heaps is God’s right-hand man and a Great Aussie Bloke and a Saint.

Boonie’s a Great Aussie bloke who can sink 52 tinnies between here and London and still get up and thrash the Poms at cricket. (You have to understand that if a girl did that it would be disgusting and unseemly. It’s also extremely unhealthy and bad for the liver. And it’s not a turn-on to see a girlie vomiting.)

Cathy Freeman is a Great Aussie Bloke. Cathy Freeman singlehandedly won the 2000 Olympics for Australia. That makes her an honorary Australian, and a white man and a great bloke.

















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